Man admits to infecting over 90 men

The story of Deshawn Simon, a gay man who died Sunday 13 December 2009 at age 23.

ST JOHN’S, Antigua, Tuesday April 19, 2011 - In Part 1 of his story Deshawn said he felt like a woman trapped in a man's body but everyone he turned to for help shunned him while others accused him of being demon-possessed. He said he had sex with over 90 men – the majority of which was unprotected. He infected many with HIV and presumably they too infected their wives and boyfriends. He contracted HIV in prison where he was sexually abused and prevented by the authorities from using condoms. Angry and hurt, he in turn spread the virus after being released from jail in 2008. He died the following year. He left a list of names with his doctor.

In Part 2 of Deshawn's story, he talks about his regrets and feelings towards others.

If he had his way, Deshawn would have loved to be alive and living in harmony with his friends, family and society. But his life followed a path carved and nurtured by a series of actions and reactions by members of his society.

He dubbed the culture in Antigua and Barbuda as being hypocritical noting that while there is sympathy for other groups in some quarters of society there is almost none for people like him.

“You see when a gay man walks down the street we are ready to burn and kill them but its okay for a whore to walk and even live among us. But at night men who pretend to be straight during the day come knocking on my door at night – the same people who pretend to want to burn and kill us gays during the day,” he noted.

He also felt anger towards the self-righteous media for supporting a culture of discrimination however he hopes that after his death, the media would use his story to get a debate started on eradicating stigma and discrimination and allowing all people in society to live in harmony.

“There are a lot of women out there who feel that their husbands or boyfriends are so straight but little do they know that I had a taste of them and they had a taste of me so let’s see how they will react when the secret becomes public,” he said.

A list of the names of the men he slept with has been left in the care of his doctor.

Another group contributing to stigma and discrimination of people living with HIV/AIDS is the same MSM group as there is in-fighting among them and he called for them to stop it.

“We in the MSM community should be accepted and treated as human beings by society. Continuing war against and amongst us will result in more persons contracting HIV.

“I want to see my fellow batty boys, if you want to call us that treated like human beings; we want [society] to treat us with respect. You see many of them who are abusing and discriminating against us comes to us at nights for pleasure but maybe we should release to the public the identities of these individuals so that society can know the real batty boys,” he said while waving a book which he said contained names of persons who he had slept with.

Asked if he had any remorse for the plight that he had found himself in Deshawn said that if he could change the situation he would have but admitted that the mistakes were made and he thought that looking ahead was more important than looking behind.

He said that some day he hopes that revealing one's HIV status would not be met with the scorn and dissent that it is receiving today, and that would be the first step forward.

Simon said that to curb the spread of the disease which people like him have contributed to there is a critical need for change to happen thus he has embarked on a massive process of registering persons to join the Health, Hope & HIV Foundation (also known as the Triple H Foundation).

“It’s okay if they don’t want to be identified as I will continue to be their public voice but what is killing us is that we need more persons to admit that they are gay so that we can have a bigger and better voice,” he said.

“It’s time for many of them to come out of the closets, we have to come out and fight for our rights we have to make a start as there are many out there some who have gotten married just to hide their identity,” he added.

‘Societal hypocrisy’

Deshawn says that society reacts to cosmetic appearances only. For example, when he cross-dresses he gets the admiration of many men when he walks down the street and many smiling propositions.

“However, if I put on a pum-pum shorts and wear heels with a long wig… people laugh at me, some threaten to kill me, others pelt me. But if I put on normal men’s clothes and walk down the road nothing will happen,” he said.

“The hypocrisy of Antiguans!”

He added that prospective clients prefer him dressed like a regular man.

“If I dress like a man den we can walk down the road and nobody will think anything we will look like friends and under those circumstances, it's okay to be gay.”

The church

Simon was very harsh in his criticism of the church because of how it has betrayed confidence.

He related an experience of a close friend who had revealed to a pastor his HIV status. Within days there were church members at his friend's home “to get the demon out”.

“The Pastor never asked if it was okay to have the man’s business shared with his members and sadly within days many persons knew that the guy had HIV. I just ain't trusting the churches,” he said angrily.

He had expected some level of forgiveness from the priests and pastors and to receive counselling, advice and help.

Asked if he was offered any by the AIDS Secretariat, Simon said ‘too much’. He said he was constantly receiving advice from the island’s Dr Ramsey and thanked him for the fantastic job he's doing to deal with people who have the disease.

On the one hand, he can receive advice and counselling but that with the rest of the society not receiving or accepting that same advice and counselling then it was an uneven playing field for stigma and discrimination to flourish and thrive.

He said it was tough to receive the counsel because there is so much anger and hated in his heart.

“People rush to blame me for what I may have done but they have to understand that the world is a cycle. I was infected so I infected others, it’s as simple as that,” he said.

He is however mindful that there will be a lot of accusations and denials after his death and many will want to heap scorn and blame on him. He recognises that other may want to embarrass his family and he has appealed for his family to be left out of the debate and criticism that follows his death.

He also feels that sodomy and prostitution should be legalised saying that adults should be able to make free decisions.

“Being a batty boy doesn’t give you HIV. Being ignorant and complacent of the reality is what gives you HIV and I hope that someday people will understand it as I have a lot of friends who are gay and do not have HIV because they have learnt from my mistakes,” a somewhat sad looking Simon said.